NON-ASSERTION: Failing to stand up for oneself, or standing up for oneself in such an ineffectual manner that one's rights are easily violated.
Characteristics: Indirect, self-denying, inhibited, hidden bargains, emotional dishonesty.
Your Feelings: Hurt, anxious at the time and probably angry later.
Respondent's Feelings Toward Themselves: Guilty or superior.
Respondent's Feelings Toward You: Irritation, pity, disgust.
ASSERTION: Standing up for oneself in such a way that one does not violate the basic rights of another person. It's a direct, honest, and appropriate expression of one's feelings and opinions.
Characteristics: Direct, expressive, leveling.
Your Feelings: Confident, self-respecting at the time and later.
Respondent's Feelings Toward Themselves: Valued, respected.
Respondent's Feelings Toward You: Generally respected.
AGGRESSION: Standing up for oneself in such a way that the rights of the other person are violated in the process. It's an attempt to humiliate or put down the other person.
Characteristics: Direct, domineering at another's expense, cutting off communication, putting down others.
Your Feelings: Righteous, superior, deprecatory of others at the time, and possibly guilty later.
Respondent's Feelings Toward Themselves: Hurt, humiliated.
Respondent's Feelings Toward You: Angry, vengeful.