Assertive Behavior


Assertive Behavior includes standing up for your rights without infringing on the rights of others. Assertive behavior results in an "I win; you win" outcome. Assertion involves expressing beliefs, feelings and preferences in a way which is direct, honest, appropriate and shows a high degree of respect for yourself and for others.
"When you talk, I can't hear the movie. Please keep it down."
"I really like it when you wear that shirt. You look great!"

Passive / Nonassertive Behavior is when someone gives up their own rights and (directly or indirectly) defers to the rights of another person. Passive behavior results in an "I lose; you win" outcome. Passive behavior includes violating your own rights through inaction or by failing to express your thoughts, feelings or desires.
"We can do whatever you want. Your ideas are probably better."

Aggressive Behavior is when someone stands up for their own rights without regard for others. Aggressive behavior results in an "I win; you lose" outcome. Aggression is self-expression which demands, attacks or humiliates other people, generally in a way which shows lack of respect for others.
"Hey, I'm in a hurry. Get out of my way."

Passive-Aggressive Behavior occurs when someone acts out aggressive impulses in an indirect way. When people act passive-aggressively, they attempt to get what they need or want indirectly or manipulatively. Passive-aggressive behavior is an indirect attempt to control or punish others.
"IÍm sorry I'm so late. I didnÍt realize this was such a big deal."
"Oh, donÍt bother, I'll just have to do it myself."

Assertive Behavior is: Self-Expressive; Honest; Respectful of the Rights of Others
Direct and Firm; Socially Responsible; Learned, not Inborn
Equalizing - benefiting self, other and relationship
Verbal - includes feelings, thoughts, desires, rights, facts, opinions
Nonverbal - eye contact, voice, posture, facial, gestures, timing
Appropriate - for the person, culture and situation

Assertiveness Script: "When you __(behavior)__ , I feel / think ___________ ; So, I would like __(new behavior)__ ."